Overcoming Fears of Intimacy

Sam, age 42, had never been married. It�s not that Sam had never fallen in love. But every time a relationship had started to move toward commitment, Sam ran.

When Sam�s loneliness became overwhelming to him, he called me for help.

“I want to be in a relationship, yet every time I get close to someone, I run away. I�m not even sure what I�m so afraid of, but I must be terrified of something!”

“Sam, what happens inside you when you like someone?” The following answer and resulting dialogue came out over time, but I�ve condensed it here.

“I think that if this person really knew me, she wouldn�t like me. I do all kinds of nice things for her so she will like me. Then after a while I start to feel trapped and I pull back. She gets upset about my pulling back and I then feel even more trapped. Once she gets mad at me, I stop feeling in love with her. That�s when I decide she is not the right one for me. This has happened over and over…

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